Tattoos make you lose!

19 12 2011

There has been a trend among cricketers in recent times. Infestation might be a better word. Do you want to know what it is? Guess.

Cheater. You read the title, otherwise you would have tried greed, a lack of guts, usage of twitter, disagreeing with cricketing authorities publicly, taking positives and not being able to reach huge milestones before collapsing in a heap, crying like a 13yo girl who just got off the phone after a conversation with a boy who has just chosen the title of ex-boyfriend. I then would have quietly told you that I was talking about tattoos after which you would have given me a glare and ran out of the room crying.

The number of failure-by-tattoo performances is baffling. The most obvious player to spring to mind is MJ – most Aussie fans have been singing the same tune regarding him: “Beat it!” The question regarding him that always comes to my mind is “How did such a good player plummet so low?” Noone can argue that he isn’t an amazing bowler on his day, the problem is that recently had as many of those days as he has had call ups to the Australian national rock, paper, scissors team.

The horror. Australia lost a Test match against New Zealand, something that is unheard of. Who should take the blame? The skipper, of course. Its classic professional sports knowledge – during wins the credit goes to the player’s brilliant performances, but during losses the blame goes to those in leadership. Michael Clarke, therefore, must carry a fair part of the blame in his tattoo-corrupted arms.

Meanwhile, Dale Steyn has been having a relatively lean patch. Don’t get me wrong, he’s been bowling well, but he’s let his mantle as the guy who takes most of the Proteas wickets be stolen by a medium pacer. It can’t get much more embarrassing than that for a 140kph+ quick bowler.

So, you ask, why are they all performing so badly recently when they’re known for being much better? Their are many theories, the most likely one to me being that they have been controlled by a robotics whiz up until now (the tattoo acting as a alternate option to the more standard “chip”) when his supercomputer was destroyed by a Chris Gayle six at Gayle’s local cricket club. “Sorry maaaaan,” he drawled “I thought it was a target daaaat gives a milliaaaan dollaas to da charity of mah choice if I hit it.”

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4 responses

24 12 2011
Bat42

Interesting statistic – Does this apply across all sports or just cricket? Maybe it’s more to do with an attitude and personality that allows for tattoos than just tattoos – What else do these people have in common? I believe there may be more brewing to this fact than meets the eye…

24 12 2011
Eagerbrad

Hi Bat42.
The article was tongue in cheek – all of these players have proven to be world class (although Johnson has been far from it in recent times). The article spawned from watching the Australia – South Africa Tests and noticing how many tattooed cricketers there were. Thanks for your feedback!

31 08 2012
Mansoor

I wonder what happened to the saying ” Cricket is the Gentleman’s game”. So is it proper for any cricketer or even any other sports player to get tattooed because I heard that if there is any emergency situation and if someone require a blood transfusion they can not give their blood to the injured person.

26 12 2013
designzeccentricwayz

I agree, having tattoos does not give a professional look, I read an article that Rod Marsh felt very strongly against the cricketers of today having tattoos. Sure have them but in discreet places or concealed. It just looks tacky. Call me old fashioned, I don’t care, when I see that awful great one on Mitchell Johnson’s right arm, it tells me his a rebel and a poseur. Same as Michael Clarke. It tells me their egos are out there, you don’t have to have a big ego to be a world class cricketer.

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